Being a Genuine Blogger-Person.

I read Jen's post recently about why she blogs, and Janssens's post about being authentic in the blogging/social networking world, and I relate to much of what was said. And so today, I am thinking about my own purpose in writing this blog. What is it about for me?

Did any of you read Eat, Pray, Love? I read half of it a couple of years ago, and got too fed up to finish it. Pretty much everyone I know who has read it LOVED it, and that is okay. I think sometimes we have a strong dislike for things that remind us of our own insecurities or faults.

My problem with the book, if I am 100% honest with myself, is partly because I resented the fact that Ms. Gilbert was paid in advance to travel to Europe. To "find herself." It just doesn't seem fair. I have cool ieas and I'm good at writing and I want somebody to pay me to go somewhere! I think that is called jealousy. With a capital J.

Okay, but the real problem I have is with the whole premise of the book. The idea that all of the experiences she had were part of an authentic journey to find herself is ludicrous to me because, let's face it, she was seeking out book material. She had been contracted to write a book. So, the book is more like reality TV than a memoir about spontaneous experience. On reality TV  everything you see on camera is "real" in the sense that it's really happening, but it's not very genuine because people know they're being filmed. I love memoirs about real life--and this book most definitely does not fit into that category for me. You can tell I'm bothered. And if you loved the book, I apologize.

I think I react so strongly in part because I relate to the urge to produce interesting stories. I LOVE having something interesting to share on my blog. It makes me feel cool. I figure people like it. And so, when I am in "blogging mode," I sometimes feel the urge to create, to experience, to live--with the end goal of sharing it. That feels disingenuous to me. I recognize it, and I don't like it. I don't feel like I can be present in an experience--truly present--if I am imagining how I will write something up, or what photos I should make sure I get for the post later. Does that make sense? Also, I feel the urge to be an exhibitionist of sorts, writing  for attention or praise or acceptance or admiration (this is the insecurity/fault part I mentioned above). And writing for those reasons always leaves me feeling empty.

Anyway, I have been avoiding the blog lately for those reasons, and it feels good. But I also miss sharing. There is something great for me about writing, about forming solid sentences with all the right words, and about posting my thoughts with a stamp of ownership. I have a voice, and sometimes I care too much about what people think to share it genuinely. This is true for my real life as well as on my blog.

So here's to sharing real thoughts, and being real. Not just on the blog, but it general. Here's to being less guided by what others think. Here's to living real experiences, and continuing to document them because of the joy I find in keeping a record. Here's to prioritizing memory-making over memory-documenting, because I want to be spending more time "doing" than "talking about doing." (Maybe here's to less proof-reading/editing?) Here's to continuing to live life to the fullest, regardless of whether I've got time to post about it and whether or not anyone's actually going to read it.