Self-care.

I am writing this while sitting in the car outside someone's house--a no-show, as I (not-so)  affectionately am calling this person right now. Maybe if I sit and write for awhile she will show up so I can do my job.

I thought I would like more of the blogtember prompts. The prompts I looked at doing this week were on personality tests (you take one and give your response to the results) and on how social media has changed you. I just didn't really feel interested in talking about either of those things. My own thoughts are faaaar more interesting. (Kidding. . . well, am I?)

Yesterday in my MFT supervision group this girl was talking about self-care and how important she thinks it is in order to contitnue doing quality therapy work with clients. I have been thinking about some of the self-care things that I have neglected to do lately. Why do I neglect these things? Because I am busy maybe, or lazy. Not to be a downer, but sometimes when you are in a "giving" or "helping" profession, I think it feels like you just don't have anything left to give to yourself. Self-care would really have to be a high priority, and a very conscious and intentional effort has to be made. I'm sure this is true for just about any busy lifestyle, regardless of it being a "helping" profession or otherwise.

My current self-care regimen consists of watching House with Chad before bed a few nights a week, and trying not to say no when invited to hang out with friends. Actually, those two things seem to go a long way in keeping me buoyed up and going during the week. But I have several others I would like to get back to doing (these are all things I have done in the past, so there's no reason I can't start again).

• Playing and listening to live music. This is healing for my soul, and I need to stop glancing over at the piano/guitar and then aimlessly back to my computer screen. I need to create, and as much as I love blogging, and home decor, and crafty-stuff, songwriting is the best way I've ever found (well, and maybe journaling, too) to express myself. Maybe it's because I am allowed to put my thoughts all down at once, and unless someone is very rude, I usually don't get interrupted mid-song. And no one interrupts my journal, that's for sure.
• Journaling. See above.
• Being outside intentionally. In other words, not just walking five feet between my house and the car and appointments. Not just happening upon my daily dose of Vitamin D. This means eating my breakfast out on the porch, or taking a walk through a park (instead of Target or Family Dollar) when I find myself with time between sessions during the day. (Ahem, maybe instead of sitting in the car writing blog posts. Although, this is good for me right now.)
• Running. Or working out regularly. I ran last night for the first time in at least a week, and I know I need to make time for it more often. It feels good and there seems to be no quicker way to de-stress.
• Reading scriptures & praying. Chad and I almost always read together before bed, and we always pray before bed. But I need my own time to really soak it in, and I need to be having my own personal conversations with my Heavenly Father. That's just how I feel about it. There is something more candid and real when I study something out on my own or express my thoughts in prayer. Not that I don't LOVE when Chad and I do it together, because I do, but I just know I seem to regress in my own personal relationship with my Savior when I don't make it an individual priority. Plus then, our gospel conversations are usually better anyway, because I have some of my own thoughts to bring to the table.
• Going to the library. One final self-care item that I stopped doing several months ago because I accidentally kept a bunch of books for way too long and racked up some fines, and I felt so dumb about it I just dropped the books off and never went back. But I love books, and I love libraries. I need to pay my fines so I can make that part of my life again.

I think that's pretty much it. What do you do for self-care? How do you keep yourself motivated or on track for doing those kinds of things for yourself?

On Great Weeks.

When [it] was good, [it] was very good indeed
And when [it] was bad, [it] was horrid.

(Adapted from "There Was a Little Girl" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

"It" = my job. This week was really, really great. There are lots of reasons why. Maybe if I list them I can have another week just like this one sometime.

1// I decided to embrace my night schedule instead of feel sad about it. Right now, I'm working primarily with non stay-at-home parents (translation: if I want to be doing in-home therapy with them, I have to sacrifice my evening hours). This week, I just embraced it. I enjoyed my non-working daytime hours more. I also spread out my appointments more so I wasn't running frantically to and from appointments and I was actually able to take advantage of the opportunity to stretch out my appointments with clients.

2// I got a new family on my caseload, and I adore them. They are Cubans, and they are straight out of my dreams. We are working through a traumatic event, and tweaking some parenting stuff, but all the basic love/support/cohesiveness stuff is there already. And we have a blast together. Yesterday they made me FLAN! Best work surprise, ever. They may be the biggest reason I am feeling so much better about work this week.

[source]

3// I did fun stuff with my clients. Sometimes I get into such a rut of just talking with them. Talking, and making behavior plans, and following up. This week, I played football with a 7 year old and then we sat on the grass and talked. This week, I went into a high school (I felt like such an imposter!), attended a meeting, went to class with a special-needs client, made connections with teachers and school officials, and helped her create a system for identifying her emotions at the beginning of each class period and then using a plan to address the negative ones (we are working to decrease her occasional blow-ups). This week, I played the "thimble game" with one family and I played Jenga with two families. This week, I was assertive with one of my somewhat-flaky clients and I agreed to follow up with her daily about whether she was following through on her parenting goals.

I want to remember to have weeks like this more often, because it is awesome.

Writing About Therapy

Wahoo--today and tomorrow I will be attending the KAMFT (Kentucky Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) Conference. I love conferences! I'm really grateful to have a job that is flexible enough to allow me to squeeze in extra hours here, and take off extra hours there. Monday through Wednesday were pure mania, but now I get to go to a conference AND see a couple of private clients Friday evening.

I have been considering starting a weekly (or however often I manage to get it together) therapy-type post. Perhaps some of my experience working with a certain type of problem, or maybe some research on topics that interest me (and/or make me feel like I'm banging my head against a wall). I am reading Sue Johnson's book, "Hold Me Tight," right now, which is all about Emotion-Focused Therapy for couples. Some of that will probably make it on here, since I adore the book so far. But I would also love to field questions about any kind of relational or personal issues that might make find their way into a therapy room. If you've got an idea, let me know in the comments or here.

For a while now, I've felt like my blog is lacking some. . .substance. Oddly enough, I have felt compelled to work a TON on my blog lately, but writing about home projects and food and whatnot has felt pretty surface-y. At the same time, I have qualms about sharing the MOST important stuff--I mean, I guess I believe some of life's most sacred moments are best enjoyed privately. Does that make sense? Anyway, writing about some of what I do (while excluding confidential details about actual people, of course), seems like one way to put a little more 'me' into what I'm writing.

So I guess you can consider this your heads-up. Send me your ideas! I would love love love that. Oh, and don't forget the health challenge--starts this Monday. Let me know if you're in.

Happy Wednesday!

Long Hours = Grouchy Me.

I really just think I wasn't cut out to work 12-hour days. I scrambled to get my hours all done by yesterday so that I could have a long weekend again, and I only half-achieved it. It's such a let down to work all the live-long day and then not get the day off you were expecting. I'm just being a whiner, I know. You don't have to read this.

But while I'm at it, here are things I wish would/would not happen in my job.

1. I wish people would not cancel or no-show. It happens a lot less now that I go to people's houses, but people still stand me up from time to time, or cancel. Which is why I have to see people today. It's just common courtesy, you know?
2. I wish everyone would stop threatening to "send [their kids] off."
3. I wish my 4:00 appointment kid would talk to me, because 4:00 is my nap-time and I almost fell asleep on him yesterday.
4. I wish other therapists/service coordinators/etc. would only make referrals to me for people who actually want or need in-home, intensive therapy. Otherwise it puts me in a really awkward position where they're like, "Yeah, we don't have any problems with him at home/school. Who are you again?" (it's only happened twice, but still.)

That's pretty much it for the moment. I know I just need to suck it up and 1)be more assertive with people about no-shows/cancellations, 2)continue trying to change the false notion that sending your kids off gets great results, 3)take a power nap before I visit the quiet kid, and 4)communicate with the referral source about why-the-heck they referred Mr. Perfect and his perfect family for in-home therapy.

Sigh. Yesterday morning we had a work meeting. Our boss asked us to write down why we do this work, and to tape the little paper in a place we'd see it. I wrote two things: 1) Because relationships matter, and 2) Because I get to be the Lord's hands. Why is it so hard to keep that perspective sometimes?

I'm sorry for complaining. Things will get better.

The Home Office

I'm happy about how the therapy office is coming together. I have my first client coming tonight, and I am so excited but so terrified at the same time. I'm not sure if that's a function of not seeing clients for a month, or because I'm a little more on my own now. Probably the second one. I was feeling so competent working under someone else's umbrella for the past year and a half. And I guess technically, I'm still not completely alone--I have a supervisor and I will be in either group or individual supervision for about 8 hours every month--so I'm not alone. However, this is my business. My name. My reputation. The ever-present pressure of desperately hoping I can help the person who walks in to see me, on top of this new pressure of keeping them coming back, satisfying them and helping them reach their goals so they will speak highly of me to their friends--it's a lot. That's all.

But, I can do it. Right? I love therapy. I love meeting people, helping people, being with them in the room to see the insights and the fights and the contemplation and the change. I love every aspect of what therapy is. I just hope I can remember that over the roar of my nervous pulse.

What a wonderful thing that my dream job starts today.

My Business

Well, the most exciting stuff has been getting married and making our home beautiful, but more on that later.

Today I set up the website for my therapy business in Louisville, Kentucky. I'm linking it on this blog in order to eventually get it to appear on a google search (I'm not exactly sure how long this will take). If you are my friend and you also have a blog, I would LOVE for you to link it on your blog. In fact, I would owe you big time.

You can also help me out by posting the link to facebook or other social media.

Thanks in advance. :)

www.cammiesmith.com

On Being a Therapist

Every once in a while, I feel like I'm really good at what I do. Lots of other times, I feel like I'm decent at what I do. Sadly, there are days when I feel I don't know what I'm doing. This post will be about the former. Of course, names and most details will have to be left out.

I loooove couple's therapy. I saw a couple earlier this week for their first session. The man had come in by himself last week, and strongly resisted my urges to bring his wife in, stating that they had tried couple's therapy once or twice before and she had a tendency to become angry and storm out. They had never made it past a single session together. He insisted that bringing her in would not be helpful; I continued to insist that if he wanted to save his marriage, coming in by himself could actually have the opposite effect (I did not make that idea up, it is substantiated by therapy research). Anyway, he surprised me by bringing her in, and the session went great. Afterward, I was the first to exit the room we were meeting in. They lagged behind me by several seconds, and I wasn't sure why, so I backtracked to see why they weren't coming out of the room. There they were, embracing and kissing. I quietly turned and left them there, so happy. I know it's a small thing, but it was really gratifying to see some immediate relief of a huge rift in their relationship (he'd been sleeping on the couch for several months).

Then today, I saw one of my court-ordered teens. This kid is tough, and he's probably in a gang. He doesn't like me much because he thinks most white people are racist and I haven't been able to convince him otherwise. He usually alternates between refusing to talk and glaring at me with such intense hatred that I think he's going to leap out of his chair and pummel me. I've actually been quite terrified a few times. Anyway, we had a breakthrough moment today. It came after he told me to shut up, I told him I wasn't going to let him speak to me that way, and then he glared at me so intensely I had to look away because I was so afraid he was going to hurt me. His mother, who was in session with us, pointed out that she felt he was angry because his dad wasn't involved in his life. As furious as he was with her for sharing this, he began to cry and cry and cry. I could tell he was mad at himself for showing that kind of emotion. He insisted he didn't need his dad. I agreed that he (my client) was a very strong person and probably didn't need his dad, but offered the idea that dad's disinterest still was hurtful, and that my client deserved to be cared for by his dad. It just wasn't fair. He kept crying as I talked. Later, his mom let me know she hadn't seen him express emotion like that for 3 years. My heart ached for him, but I felt like something about our session had been successful. It probably sounds weird, but I think it's really good for people to cry sometimes.

And that is why, sometimes, I feel like I'm really good at what I do. And why I'll probably keep doing it. Change happens oh-so slowly much of the time, so these kinds of moments make it all worth it.