On Being a Therapist

Every once in a while, I feel like I'm really good at what I do. Lots of other times, I feel like I'm decent at what I do. Sadly, there are days when I feel I don't know what I'm doing. This post will be about the former. Of course, names and most details will have to be left out.

I loooove couple's therapy. I saw a couple earlier this week for their first session. The man had come in by himself last week, and strongly resisted my urges to bring his wife in, stating that they had tried couple's therapy once or twice before and she had a tendency to become angry and storm out. They had never made it past a single session together. He insisted that bringing her in would not be helpful; I continued to insist that if he wanted to save his marriage, coming in by himself could actually have the opposite effect (I did not make that idea up, it is substantiated by therapy research). Anyway, he surprised me by bringing her in, and the session went great. Afterward, I was the first to exit the room we were meeting in. They lagged behind me by several seconds, and I wasn't sure why, so I backtracked to see why they weren't coming out of the room. There they were, embracing and kissing. I quietly turned and left them there, so happy. I know it's a small thing, but it was really gratifying to see some immediate relief of a huge rift in their relationship (he'd been sleeping on the couch for several months).

Then today, I saw one of my court-ordered teens. This kid is tough, and he's probably in a gang. He doesn't like me much because he thinks most white people are racist and I haven't been able to convince him otherwise. He usually alternates between refusing to talk and glaring at me with such intense hatred that I think he's going to leap out of his chair and pummel me. I've actually been quite terrified a few times. Anyway, we had a breakthrough moment today. It came after he told me to shut up, I told him I wasn't going to let him speak to me that way, and then he glared at me so intensely I had to look away because I was so afraid he was going to hurt me. His mother, who was in session with us, pointed out that she felt he was angry because his dad wasn't involved in his life. As furious as he was with her for sharing this, he began to cry and cry and cry. I could tell he was mad at himself for showing that kind of emotion. He insisted he didn't need his dad. I agreed that he (my client) was a very strong person and probably didn't need his dad, but offered the idea that dad's disinterest still was hurtful, and that my client deserved to be cared for by his dad. It just wasn't fair. He kept crying as I talked. Later, his mom let me know she hadn't seen him express emotion like that for 3 years. My heart ached for him, but I felt like something about our session had been successful. It probably sounds weird, but I think it's really good for people to cry sometimes.

And that is why, sometimes, I feel like I'm really good at what I do. And why I'll probably keep doing it. Change happens oh-so slowly much of the time, so these kinds of moments make it all worth it.  

Honesty

training buddies

I've been feeling pretty bummed about not doing a triathlon this year. Then I went to Girl's Camp and made friends with these lovely girls who are now my training buddies! We've been running a little and we'll do a sprint tri in Lenoir City, Tennessee this fall. I'm excited!

Here's an interesting question: what do you think about indiscriminate honesty? Chad recently shared a piece of advice he had received from someone that in marriage, and especially when you are first married, you should focus on being 100% honest with your spouse. The person giving the advice had heard an older, married man share this advice. The man said he had never been untruthful with his wife when she cooked a meal he didn't like. He said it was great, because he had never had a bad meal twice, and now he liked everything his wife cooked. But hearing about it made me a little sad. Isn't it okay to lie sometimes to spare someone's feelings? How important is it to constantly give accurate and piercing feedback?

FORTY-FIVE DAYS LEFT. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. Must wait.

In Which I Remember How Much I Struggle to Like Salespeople, and an Update about the Jam

The jam set up! The jam set up! And it tastes like jam! I had some on a pb&j I made myself for lunch. And now, I have three lovely jars of blueberry jam to stick in a pantry--as if I were the kind of woman who does that! And just guess who will be eating homemade jam on his sandwiches this year. I hope he likes it.

this is him and my friend Lauren eating the cheesecake he made for my birthday. I hope he likes jam as much as we liked that cheesecake. Let's just say it wasn't around for long.

On another note, I had an interesting set of run-ins with some unnamed make-up salespeople this weekend. Despite a longstanding personal resolution to avoid meeting with this sort of person at all costs (ever since my mom and I got cornered into free makeovers once when I was in high school. Free makeovers=high pressure sales), I am getting married next month. I want to have nice makeup on that day. I feel relatively incompetent in the world of makeup. And so, with some encouragement from my roommate, I looked one of these people up and called her.

She was available right away, and I went over to her house. We actually had a great time. She made me look really pretty and we had a great time getting to know each other. Of course, our interest in each other was somewhat cheapened by the fact that she wanted to sell me lots of makeup AND convince me to throw a makeup party AND someday become a makeup saleperson just like her. But aside from that, we had a genuinely nice conversation.

Anyway, as is often the case with me, I am bad at saying no to people, and when she asked me to help her with a "mock interview" the next day I stumbled to think of any reason why not. She assured me this was just an opportunity for me to help her out; her supervisor was going to be in town from Virginia and would come tell me about their company and my new friend would sit and observe. This was only a training tool, my friend assured me. I gave no firm answer, but said I would let her know if I was interested. However, on the day of the "mock interview," my friend called several times and even had her supervisor call twice (I googled the area code from the unknown number and gasp--it was a VA number). Finally, I answered the phone. I gathered my courage and weakly expressed my disinterest in becoming a salesperson. Again, I was assured there would be no pressure of the sort.

The funny part of the meeting was when my friend was trying to win me over by talking about me to the supervisor lady, while I was sitting right there. I sat there while she told her supervisor about how I was getting married next month in Utah, and then said to me, "And just tell her what you told me about why your fiance says you guys won't ever move back to Idaho or Utah!" She said this as if what I had shared was the most fascinating secret. The supervisor lady chuckled and said knowingly, "Oh, I can only imagine. . ." I halted, confused. "Um, well, we won't move back there because there are too many dentists. We're Mormon. I guess there are lots of Mormon dentists." I hadn't thought that was particularly interesting when I mentioned it the day before, so I was surprised to be asked to repeat it.

At another point in the "interview," the supervisor lady mentioned that one of the great benefits of being a consultant for this particular company is that you get tax write-offs as a business owner. I nodded. This signal of comprehension was yet another cue for her to talk about how amazing I was. ("Now, I'm going to say this right in front of Cammie, but you probably notice I don't need to go into a lot of detail with her. You really don't have to go into a lot of detail with people who are very educated like she is.") I was trying so hard to fight the eye-roll reflex.

Anyway, I learned that 1) I am interesting because I'm not moving to Utah or Idaho, and 2) I am smart because I can act like I know what a tax write-off is. I'm not sure whether to feel elated or insulted. But no matter: I am happy with my purchases, I successfully convinced two ladies I was not interested in joining their team, and I've got some funny stories to show for it all. Have a lovely Tuesday!

On Being Domestic

I've been reading Stephanie Nielsen's book Heaven Is Here. I used my amazon birthday money from Grandma to get it. I had read her blog a few times, and listened to her interview on the Mormon Channel once. Just listening to her enthusiasm for life and gratitude for what she has, despite severe physical pain post-accident (if this isn't ringing a bell, check out her blog), always makes me feel more grateful and content. Just happy for all the little things.

Another fabulous thing about Stephanie is that she completely glorifies motherhood and femininity and marriage. This lady loves her family. She loves being a wife and a mother.

It's a good book for me to be reading right now, because it totally builds on my excitement to marry the love of my life next month in the Manti temple. It also makes me feel like doing domestic things--or trying, anyway. I was home working on my thesis today, and since I had tons of blueberries I picked on Saturday, I decided to try jam-making for the first time. Maybe if I feel like it, I'll update you on how it turned out. I couldn't stop eating it while I was making it, because it was so good. We'll see if it sets up right and does what it's supposed to. Hope so!

necklace giveaway

http://bradenandjodee.blogspot.com/2012/06/necklace-giveaway.html?showComment=1339103200324&m=1#c2278808348980638696

check out this necklace you could win for FREE! I think it's pretty. Love the pearls.

Trip Home: Graduation and Wedding Prep

I was home last week for Emma's graduation. She was Valedictorian of her class and gave an amazing speech. I have been watching the recording now and again for some continued inspiration to get me through my final summer of grad school. :)

I am so proud of her. 

I also wanted to share a couple of the great wedding finds my mom and I had while I was home. We went yardsaling, hoping to find wooden picture frames (hoping to paint them white, sand the edges for a distressed look, and hang with ribbons to make something like this). Anyway, we scored pretty big. We landed at the yardsale of an elementary school art teacher (who my mom happens to know), and not only did we find about 20 good frames for painting, we found an adorable old step ladder, some old window panes (for hanging pictures, as well), and an awesome vintage door, pictured below. Perfect little shelf there for setting the guestbook on. $30 for ALL OF THAT.  

Mom and I also worked on staining some old canning jars green...to make them look antique. Food coloring and mod podge does the trick. These look really cute with the pink daisies and colored ribbon and we'll use them for centerpieces.

I should have taken more pictures, really. But I will mention that we also found several lace curtains (they'll work for tablecloths to go over the colored tablecloths we've got) and a great easel on which to set the framed chalkboard I got at another yardsale. $3 for the tablecloths/easel.

Anyway, things are coming together and it's been so fun to have these little projects. I've spent some time hand-addressing my adorable kraft envelopes (brown-paper-bag style) for the announcements. A lot of people told me I was crazy for doing it by hand, but they're turning out so cute. 

Sigh. Most of all, the wedding is coming right up and I'm so excited. Sure, it is fun (okay, really fun) to have an excuse to execute all of my dream crafts. But take away all the crafts, all the projects, all the yardsaling. We could elope, and I'd still be elated. 68 more days!! 

Hopeful

My, oh my. Bothered that the new blogger isn't allowing me to separate my paragraphs out. 96 days til the wedding. I just checked. I have been working NON STOP on my thesis. Well, as non stop as I've ever worked on it, anyway. Something crazy came over me a couple weeks ago and I decided it was time to set a date for my defense, and when I mentioned this to my major professor, he suggested we shoot for April 30th. Even though I knew it was crazy, and I'm pretty sure he pulled that date out of nowhere, I decided to go for it. I need to have it submitted to my committee by this coming Monday, so I've done a ton of work on it these past several days. The whole thing (the thesis, I mean) has really transformed, even since I thought I was getting close with it last week when I sent it to my major professor. And the project is consuming--for as much as I've put it off so many times, I just love reading all the comments and remembering who said what and making connections and just...being there. (quick update: my thesis is from when I went to Aruba a few summers ago and did focus groups on marriage/relationship education). In a weird way, it'll be a little sad to be done with this project. It keeps me feeling connected to a place and people I love so dearly. But overall, I will be SO HAPPY to be done. I've got final projects due because the semester is ending, and I'm about to be done with my thesis. And then it will be summer. This summer is going to be great--it will consist of long-ish Tuesdays at the clinic (just like always), Wednesdays and Thursdays at my internship, and...that's it. No readings, no class, just clients at school and my internship, and supervision meetings (meetings about my therapy with my supervisors). This is fabulous. AND NO THESIS. It will be done! In less than 2 weeks, I will see Chad. He has a week off because his semester is ending, too, so he's coming down for a few days. We already have a beach/camping trip planned with some friends. I'm so excited for my first beach trip of the summer. And more excited to see Chad. I just can't quite get enough time with him. Once my thesis is done, I will probably launch into full-blown countdown mode. Countdowns to trips, and the countdown to the big day. I can't believe how fast time has already gone--we've been engaged for 3 months, already! Goodness. The day Chad leaves, I fly out to visit home for a week. I get to see Emma graduate and give her Valedictorian speech! I also get to see her either sing in her last choir concert, or play tennis at the Colorado state tournament. Or maybe both? I'm so proud of her! I can't wait to hang out with her and the rest of my family. This post is probably a little more boring and ME-ish than usual. I think I morphed into journal mode as I was writing tonight. It feels good to get some thoughts out, though. Good times. And tomorrow is Sunday! There is nothing like the anticipation of a nice, relaxing Sunday. Good night, world.